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This really black humored little ditty is my continuation of the memorable "We Will All Go Together When We Go" by the immortal Tom Lehrer. Lehrer's song was written while the Cold War was still in full flower and the threat of Total Nuclear Annihilation was the Sword of Damocoles hanging over our heads.
When I wrote most of the verses below in 1992 and added a few more in 2000, we worried more about bio-terrorism with genetically engineered plagues, but most of the old Bombs were still out there as well. Today, in 2005, we are all too well aware that some nuclear bombs are known to be in the hands of demented despots and the material to make others are easily accessible to even more demented and fanatical terrorists.
But don't you worry !

MIDI music : "We Will All Go Together When We Go"



(to tune of "We Will All Go Together When We Go" by Tom Lehrer)

by Pam Green , © 1992, 2005


When we think upon mortality, we are faced with sad reality
That our dogs' lives are much shorter than our own ;
Yet if we should pre-decease them, unto what guardianship release them ?
Thoughts most worthy of a sigh, a tear, a groan.
But don't you worry :
Tho' the Soviet Union's sundered, there are still Bombs by the hundred
Owned by madmen who would use them , this believe,
And if they drop on me and you, they will get our doggies too
So there'll be nobody left behind to grieve !

For we will all go together when we go !
What a comforting fact that is to know!
Ev'ry Kuvaz and Keeshond,
Each Basenji and Bichon,
Bouvier and Spinone Italiano.

And we will all broil together when we broil !
As we heel away off this Mortal Coil :
Leave your clickers and your choke chains
And your ticket to the next Gaines,
For your baits will be cremated 'ere they spoil !

We will all go together when we go !
Your Schutzhund can't protect you from the glow :
When the fallout starts raining ,
It will terminate our training
'Till we meet in that Great Clubhouse Down Below !

You will each go directly to your circle in the Inferno,
Without stopping for a beer or Schnapps or Pernod

And we will all go together when we go,
As we all hear that Great Judge's Whistle blow,
Whether Fahrtenhund or farter,
T.D.X. or non-starter,
We'll be tracking where Elysian grasses grow !

And we will all Sleep, we hope, perchance, to Dream :
The farm-dog and the Champion-Supreme !
When some maniac hits the Button
All our sheep will soon be mutton
And our cows will give out radioactive cream !

You will each go directly to your appropriate Hereafter,
Without excuses , or complaints, or nervous laughter.

There will be no need to neuter or to spay,
As radiation glows the knell of parting day !
Though that cup may taste bitter,
There won't be another litter
To perpetuate mutated DNA !

Yes, we will all go together when we go :
The Pound Puppy and the Best in Show !
There'll be no need of grooming ,
Once the mushroom clouds start blooming,
And we head for where there's never any snow !


( spoken : )    
and for those of you who have other interests in life besides dogs :

And we will all croak together when we croak !
The Right-to-Lifers won't appreciate the joke :
With complete incineration
To contol the population
It won't matter what the Supreme Court has spoke !

And we will all chill together when we chill !
There'll be no need to write your Trust or Will :
Though your assests might grow great,
There'll be none left for Probate
And nothing left to pay the lawyer's bill !

And we will all die together when we die !
We can wave Internal Revenue good-bye :
They can beg for our taxes,
As the radiation waxes,
And we head for that Great Audit in the sky !

And we will all crash together when we crash !
Dust to dust and, likewise, ash to ash :
For, with nuclear fission,
'Lectro-magnetic emission
Will transmute your computer into Trash !

And we will all roast together when we roast !
Our e-mail and our Websites will be toast :
Once the bombs start exploding,
There'll be no one left downloading
Except the Devil and the Holy Ghost !

And we will all cook together when we cook !
As I finally lay me down my shepherd's crook,
With no time for repining,
I percieve one silver lining :
I won't have to read the proofs for this damned book !

Skeletons of dog and human.


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site author Pam Green copyright 2003
created 4/12/03 revised 9/02/2015
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