I started this, the first quatrain, in the summer of 2004, as part of a set of farewell songs for a favorite vet who was leaving UC Davis for The Ohio State University. That verse was genuinely respectful, but the song has now evolved into one much less so : like G & S's General, my Veterinarian is bragging and seems somewhat foolish..

In 2004, I was in the middle of a Gilbert and Sullivan spree after being taken to see a local production of Pirates by a friend. Several songs on this site result from that.
(note : although the original has a more varied rhyme scheme, there are so very many rhymes for "veterinarian" and "veterinary" that I've mostly stuck to those.)

(this is actually the Tom Lehrer version, which he used for "the Elements")
<a href="modern_veterinarian_lehrer.mid ">[Play Sound]</a>


I am the Very Model of a Modern Veterinarian

by Pam Green, © 2004, 2016

to tune of "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General", from Pirates of Penzance by Gilbert & Sullivan

by Pam Green , ©


I am the very model of a modern veterinarian :
My practice is bond-centered and compassionately caring and
I honor ev'ry living thing, my diet's vegetarian.
   I am the very model of a modern veterinarian

I am the very model of a modern veterinarian
I love all species equally, I'm latitudinarian,
From neonatal kittens to canines valetudinarian,
Amphibian, reptilian, or testatudinarian,
Australian metatherian or simplest planarian.
I treat neglected Bouviers with dreadlocks Rastafarian,
And Grandest Prix dressage horses of lin'ge Hanovarian.
   I am the very model of a modern veterinarian

I am the very model of a modern veterinarian
In talking to my clients I seem quite equalitarian
I give each client full respect, plutocrat or proletarian,
Politically Right or Left or so-called Libertarian,
Urban high rise condo-man or rural agragarian,
Educated Pee Aitch Dee or hopelessly vulgarian.
   I am the very model of a liberal veterinarian.

I'm extremely educated in all matters veterinary,
With full awareness of genomics and of matters evolutionary.
I know about diseases that are axillary, cavitary, coronary, dietary,
Mammilary , maxilary, medullary, pulmonary,
Scapulary, salivary, urinary, auto-immune sanguinary,
And I can perform all surgeries that might be necessaary
Including spays and neuterings and deliveries Caesarian
   I am the very model of an integrative veterinarian

I've knowledge of all drugs and herbs, all things apothecarian,
From asperin to xanax and from comfrey to valerian.
I know the accupuncture points along every meridian
And can chiropract a spine until it's supple as ophidian
I practice ev'ry healing mode, I'm quite un-doctrinarian
   I am the very model of an integrative veterinarian

To catalog my library would challenge Congress's Librarian :
I've books on dogs and horses writ by Xenophon and Arrian,
I subscribe to all the journals of research post-Millenarian.
I've published several novels and a play in verse Shakesperian,
   I am the very model of a literate veterinarian.

Although I've basic knowledge of good monetary management
My practice isn't mercenary but at least it always pays the rent.
It isn't likely that I ever will be very rich or even affluent ,
I'll have paid off all my student loans when I'm octagenarian.
Though my practice, and my clients, may seem eleemosynary
And unlikely to expand into a multi-vet coparcenary,
I will continue in my practice 'till I'm carried off as carrion
   I am the very model of an impoverished veterinarian




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site author Pam Green copyright 2003
created 7/25/2004 revised 6/29/2016
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