A humorous song based on Star Wars "Return of the Jedi". Many Bouvier lovers have noticed that the Wookie , Chewbacca, very much resembles an adult Bouvier and that the adorable Ewoks greatly resemble Bouvier puppies.


(to tune of "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer")
(based on the motion picture "Return of the Jedi")

by Pam Green , © 1990


Once there were lots of Ewoks, somewhere amid the Galaxies,
Living on the moon of Endor, sheltered by the redwood trees.
Onto the moon of Endor, came a homeless Bouvier,
Asking to join the Ewoks, join in all their work and play.

But the Ewoks answered "No ! Your're not welcome here.
There's no room beneath our trees; so get lost and quickly, please !"

Off paced the lonesome Bouvie. Little could that Bouvie guess
That Lucas would make a movie and place all Ewoks in distress.
Invading the moon of Endor, came a horde of men in white
Armour, much like the Ring-suits Bouviers adore to bite.

Then one foggy Endor dawn, Solo came to say,
"Bouvie , wipe away your tear, stand up tall , and grasp a spear !"

"Then you can join the Ewoks, rescuing the Galaxy,
Equal to any Ewok, and near as good as Chewbaccy !"
Chirpa, the Ewok Chieftain, added "Bouvie, with your huge black nose,
Use your olfactory powers to ferret out our hidden foes !"

Later in the foggy morn, Princess Leia urged,
"Bouvie, with your beard so foul, you can learn to wear a cowl !"

"Then you can join the Ewoks, rescuing the Galaxy,
Unthrone the evile Emperor, so the Throne will pass to me!"
Logray, the Ewok Medic, added "Bouvie, with your fang-filled jaws,
Help us deport these strangers, who broke our immigration laws !"

In the foggy afternoon, Luke the Jedi pled,
Bouv who ate my father's hand, won't you lead our desperate band !"

"Then you can join the Ewoks, rescuing the Galaxy;
Help us destroy the Deathstar, guide us on to Victory !"
Wicket, the teenaged Ewok, begged "Bouvie, I'm too young to die;
Bouvie , I really need you , but I'm much too old to cry !"

In the foggy Endor eve, Yoda whispered low,
"Bouvie, with your pointed ear, listen well and you shall hear:"

"It's hard to become a Jedi, when one is very small and green.
But you can become an Ewok if your Bouvie soul is clean !
Just as I became a Jedi, the first of a non-human race,
You can become an Ewok, in spite of your un-flattened face."

Deep within the foggy night, Obi-Wan proclaimed,
"Bouvie, with your bark so hoarse, you need only trust the Force !"

"Then you shall be an Ewok ! And you shall save the Galaxy,
And celebrate with all the Ewoks by watering a redwood tree."
Then all the Ewoks shouted, cheered "Bouvie-Ewok, thanks a lot !
We'll have a Victory Party, with music, dancing, wine, and pot !"



"the throne shall pass" : why else would she call herself "Princess" ?

"Bouv who ate" : now we know how Darth Vader lost his hand!

"and pot" : as the ecosystem of Endor is strikingly similar to the fabled "Mendocino" of long-vanished (and possibly mythological) "Erth' or "Urth", cultivation of marijuana seeems probable




Related topics :

site author Pam Green copyright 2003
created 9/01/2003 revised 9/26/2018
return to top of page return to Site Index