It's Deja Vu All Over Again

California's Proposition 4

Parental Notification is still a bad idea

by Pam Green, © 2008

It's deja vu all over again. How many times do the voters have to say NO to a bad idea ? Can we have three strikes and Out or will we have to vote down some form of Parental Notification at every election ?

Parental notification too often equals parental veto. At best it can equal a parent's influence outweighing the daughter's on an issue that will affect her life far more than theirs, an issue that may change her life irreparably. Yet the parent is not going to be required to take the responsibility of raising their child's child. At the very least, a parent vetoing a daughter's abortion should be required to adopt the resulting child and to rear it without any state subsidies.

• Would a parent have the right to COMPEL a pregnant daughter's abortion ? (There's more than a few parents who'd want to do that.)


• Would a parent have the right to COMPEL a daughter to have a contraceptive implant (Norplant) or an IUD ? (There's probably plenty of parents who'd like to do that.)


• Would a parent have the right to COMPEL a pregnant daughter's marriage to the sire of the fetus ? (Note : when I asked that two years ago I thought I was raising an unlikely specter, but that was before gun-toting Sarah Palin had a little talk with pregnant daughter's boyfriend.)


• Would a parent have the right to COMPEL a pregnant daughter to give the child up for adoption ? To raise the resulting child with or without help from the parent ? To drop out of school and get a minimum wage job to support the child ?


• Would a parent have the right to COMPEL a daughter who'd already had one accidental pregnancy to be sterilized ? After more than one ? To say that "three generations of mistakes are too many" ?

If your answer to any or all of the above is NO, then likewise your answer to Proposition 4 should be a loud and resounding NO !

If you don't want to risk your daughter waiting until it is too late for a safe abortion, your answer to Proposition 4 should be a loud and resounding NO !

If you don't want her seeking an illegal abortion or trying to self-abort, your answer to Proposition 4 should be a loud and resounding NO !

If you don't want your daughter bleeding to death in the school bathroom after an abortion or a self-delivery, your answer to Proposition 4 should be a loud and resounding NO !

If you don't want your daughter to take the only escape Prop 4 allows her, escaping parental notification by accusing her parents of child abuse, then your answer to Proposition 4 should be a loud and resounding NO !

If the point of parental consent is , as was claimed two years ago, to discourage parental incest and to discourage statutory rape, then there is a much better way. Pass a law requiring that every aborted fetus and every live birth that occurs where the conception date would have been prior to the girl's 18th birthday to be tested for DNA and then test every male who might be the sire to determine paternity. If the pregnancy resulted from statutory rape or incest, the male involved should be prosecuted to fullest extent of the law. And perhaps the law should be ammended to make castration a mandatory punishment for incest ? Perhaps also for Statutory Rape Resulting in Pregnancy ?

Realistically, it is the very parents who have FAILED to provide their daughter with honest information about sex and contraception who are the parents who are LEAST likely to be considered safe to confide in when that daughter becomes pregnant. The parents who the daughter does not trust enough to tell are usually the very ones least deserving of having any further say in the daughter's choice.

Those parents who have had honest discussions with their daughter throughout her upbringing are the ones who she will be most likely to tell if she is in any kind of trouble, including pregnancy, because they have earned her trust.

Trust has to be earned. Communication has to be established early and often.

Parents, if you don't want to worry about whether you need to be notified that your daughter is seeking abortion, talk to her early and often about contraception.

• Teach her to know what methods are effective and what techniques are needed to make them as effective as possible. Help her to research accurate medical information on effectiveness and side effect risks.


• Teach her she needs to protect herself against pregnancy and equally to protect herself against STDs. There are after all worse things than pregnancy : there is AIDS.


• Teach her to demand a condom for EVERY encounter, including those that a certain ex-Pres said were "not really sex". Teach her to tell importunate males "no rubber, no game !"


• Provide her with condoms and with any other form of contraception she seeks. Encourage her to use condom plus a second method.


• Keep Plan B on hand at home and perhaps also in your daughter's purse, just in case of a broken condom or some other unplanned accident. (In some communities it can be hard to get hold of Plan B on short notice. Make sure you always have a supply in advance of need.)

• You can still teach her not to allow herself to be exploited by anyone asking her to "prove her love" (or whatever the favorite teen male sales pitch is these days ; I probably date myself unbearably by citing that old line).


• You can still teach her not to exploit herself by seeking popularitiy with peers, especially not that false popularity that comes from conformity.


• Teach her that she has the right and the responsibility of making good choices for herself. Teach her that her first responsibility is always to her own long term welfare and that early pregnancy and STDs are very destructive of her long term goals and welfare.
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• Teach her that being a parent is a very long term commitment and that one's life is never the same and never as free afterward. When it is a well thought out choice (as I hope it was for you) , it can be very rewarding as well as very hard work, but that you lose the freedom to put your own needs and desires ahead of your parental responsibilities.


• You might also want to teach her that the male parent often "bugs out" on his share of the responsibilities, leaving the burden on her. This can be true whether or not there is a marriage. Of course if you are a single mom (never wed, divorced, deserted), your daughter may have already noticed this little fact of life for herself.

Then you have a pretty good chance that if she gets pregnant she will confide in you. But an even better chance that she will avoid getting pregnant until she is a full adult, self-supporting, and ready and willing to raise a child. Or if she decides she never wants to raise a child, at least you won't get stuck raising her accident during those years when you should be free to finally put your priorities on your own needs and enjoyments.