Birthing a Baby is NOT Like Whelping a Litter

( a top Ten list you probably WON'T see on "Late Night with David Letterman" )

by Pam Green , © 2003

10.   The gestation period is longer ----- much,much longer.

9.    There is usually only one baby in a litter.

8.    The mother doesn't have to cut the umbilical with her teeth ---- and doesn't have to eat the placenta.

7.    The baby's eyes are open, but it has no hair anywhere.

6.    The crate is up on stilts and is called a "crib."

5.    The X-pen doesn't fold up neatly and is called a "playpen."

4.    The baby won't be starting to crawl at 3 weeks --- or running at 6 weeks.

3.    The baby will never have much of an olfactory sense ---- but it may be able to find drugs and explosives without sniffing for them.

2.    The baby will not be house-broken at 6 months old --- or much much longer.

1.    The baby will not be capable of getting pregnant at one year old --- but unfortunately you aren't allowed to get it spayed or neutered.